I will be posting the entire book, Growing Older Without Growing Old, one chapter at a time. Here’s chapter Two: Developing a positive attitude. For Chapter One and the introduction, see the previous blog articles at taylorintime.com. Or, if you want to download a PDF copy of the entire book (10 chapters, 242 pages, with book references), you can do so for $4.95 by clicking here.
Count your blessings.
We can grow old physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, or we can simply continue to mature in all these areas until the day we die. Yes, sorry about that – we will all die someday, regardless. But don’t make this your goal. Don’t make death your destination. Instead, make growing older a journey, and make that journey as enjoyable and meaningful as possible. You can do this regardless of any handicaps or hang-ups you may have picked up along the way.
We could start by reminding ourselves of all the blessings – the good things that have happened to us in the past. As J. Ellsworth Kales remarked in his book, I love growing older, but I’ll never grow old, “One of the gifts of getting older is that we get to keep all the ages we’ve been.”
Never regret growing older. As musician Tom Petty once said, “If you’re not getting older, you’re dead.” (Of course, if you were a Jellyfish, you would live forever if it weren’t for disease or predators. But who wants to be a Jellyfish?)
Neurologists tell us that we tend to remember the negative things that happen to us better than the positive things – except when it involves emotional events that really make an impression, such as your wedding day.
June J Pilcher, a psychologist at Clemson University, says the human brain is more attentive to negative events – probably because of a survival mechanism keeping us alert for life-threatening situations.
According to the March/April 2016 issue of Scientific American Mind, this was demonstrated in two studies published in 2015 in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research.
That seems to have held true for me. I vividly remember the day the doctor told me I had cancer. I can easily recall the surgeries throughout my life – gall bladder, appendix, and prostate – even tonsils as a youngster. (Isn’t it amazing what we can live without?) I can recall stepping on a nail as a kid, having stories rejected by magazines, sitting on the bench most of the time as a high school basketball player, and even having bad toothaches as a toddler.
When the brain experiences an emotional event, the amygdala releases dopamine, which helps memory and information processing. That’s the principle we use when teaching memory training and overcoming absentmindedness. For more details on specific memory training techniques, see my book, Boost Your Memory and Sharpen Your Mind, published by Bookboon.com.
We should remind ourselves of things we take for granted, such as never having to go hungry or having loving parents, healthy children, great friends, and so on. This will put us in a more positive frame of mind. As we will see later, a positive attitude helps to promote health, happiness, and longevity. So puts a positive spin on life. It’s a healthy thing to do.
Maintain a positive attitude.
Dr. Edward Creagan, in his book How Not to Be My Patient, refers to research indicating that pessimists have a 19 percent shorter lifespan than optimists. Bernie Siegel, in his book Love, Medicine and Miracles, mentions research that reported a ten-year survival rate of 75 percent among cancer patients who reacted to the diagnosis with a fighting spirit, compared with a 22 percent survival rate among those who saw their situation as hopeless.
A negative attitude can cause stress and lower the body’s immune system. One Harvard study showed that those with the most negative attitudes at 25 suffered the most illnesses in their forties, fifties, and sixties. Another study involved 69 women with breast cancer who were asked three months after their surgery how they viewed their disease and how it affected their lives. 5 years later, 75% of those who had responded positively and with a fighting spirit were still alive compared with less than half the other patients. There is little doubt that attitude can negatively or positively impact your health, productivity, and well-being.
According to an item in the March April 2013 issue of Scientific American Mind, an agreeable personality may enhance your brain’s built-in pain-killing powers. Researchers at the University of Michigan found that the brains of volunteers with more agreeable personalities released more natural painkillers, thus enhancing the placebo effect.
Resist negativity.
According to Robert Sapolsky, professor of neurology and neurological sciences at Stanford University, exposure to non-stop negativity can disrupt learning, memory, attention, and judgment. Researchers have linked negative emotions to increased risk for illness and positive emotions to health and longevity.
A happier, healthier lifestyle is more important than ever, and along with it, an attitude that tends to stress-proof your life. Getting sufficient sleep, daily exercise, and social support is important. But it’s equally important to be aware of the good things that happen to you – those positives amid negative events.
If you don’t believe you can change something, you won’t even try. According to Dr. Theo Tsaousides, author of the book Brainblocks, one of the most effective ways to defeat negativity is to shift your focus from the bad to the good. He says that thinking only about negative experiences fills your brain with negativity and suggests you start by making a list at the end of each day of the things you enjoyed or felt good about. When you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts about someone or something, you should stop and search your memory
for something positive about the same person or situation. Negativity will stop only when you stop speaking or thinking negatively.
Develop a sense of humor
When things look bleak, humor helps. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Laugher reduces stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, aids immunity, improves mood, helps you think, and improves memory.
In her book, A Better Brain at Any Age, Sandra Kornblatt also gave an account of how humor during instruction led to increased test scores.
For sure, humor is an enthusiasm builder, and some healthcare professionals refer to it as “internal jogging.” Since it’s contagious, it’s also good for the people who are with you. Watch comedies, read jokes, and recall humorous things that have happened to you in the past.
Does a sense of humor increase longevity? There are reasons to think so. I checked the dates of comedians – or at least those I had quoted several times in the past when I needed to add a little humor to a book or article. Over half the people I checked lived in their nineties. Two of them reached 100. Here they are:
“If I knew I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.” (Henry Youngman, 1906 to 1998)
“If you live to be 100, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.” (George Burns, 1896 to 1996)
“Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” (Bob Hope, 1903 to 2003)
“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two… ” (Sir Norman Wisdom, 1915 to 2010)
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. (George Burns, 1896 to 1996)
And my favorite quote, “No one can keep from aging, but there is no need to grow old.” (Art Linkletter, 1912 to 2010.)
Positively eliminate the negative.
Emotional well-being is when a person consistently reports more positive than negative feelings. According to research reported in the November/December 2015 issue of Scientific American Mind, we become more positive and happier the older we get. In spite of hardships and failing health, something about maturity keeps people in good spirits – particularly those passing the 100 mark.
It could be from failing minds, but this positive attitude is more likely from a changing outlook as we grow older and wiser and more able to control our brains. Certainly, studies suggest that positivity and happiness change over time and are not something that we always possess or acquire suddenly as we age.
It was found that the most positive seniors also have the sharpest minds – so if you’re young, keep your brain healthy with both physical and mental exercise. And if you’re older, do likewise.
Everyone, regardless of age, should boost their positivity whenever possible.
Tell your brain what you want.
How do you develop a positive attitude? Feed your brain positive information. Studies in neuroscience prove that we can change our brains just by thinking. One example is the placebo effect. It’s not the sugar pill or saline solution that does the healing; your belief that it will cure you prompts healing.
According to Joe Dispenza’s book Evolve Your Brain, “what we think about, and where we focus our attention, is what we neurologically become.”
Your brain already has fixed beliefs and habits formed over a lifetime of experiences and environmental influences. You can change the result by managing your brain if the result is negativity. If “you” were your brain, this would be impossible since you would already have your “mind” made up.
You are not your brain. You are “the mind within the brain,” as the title of A. David Redish’s book suggests. “You” (including your consciousness) are your mind. According to Joe Dispenza, it resides within the prefrontal cortex of the brain, and whether it is without substance (perhaps being energy) is yet to be scientifically confirmed. But one thing is certain. Through focused thought, you can change the neurological makeup of your brain and make physiological changes to your body.
The key is focused thinking. That’s why meditation helps. Joe Dispenza, in his book, You Are the Placebo, mentions that the most difficult part of mentally healing his six broken vertebrae was a continual loss of attention. He believes we spend too much attention and energy thinking about what we don’t want instead of what we do want.
So, when you feed your brain with those positive thoughts mentioned earlier, accept the fact that it may be difficult to concentrate on what you want, but you will become more focused with practice.
Not only can your mind influence your brain, but your brain influences your body, and your body can also influence your brain. Sian Beilock, in her book How the Body Knows its Mind, explains how Botox injected into frown wrinkles can help cure depression. It not only eliminates the frown lines but also the ability to frown. Botox contains a neurotoxin that paralyzes the muscles in which it is injected. Physicians believe that not being able to express negative emotions reduces negative feelings.
We have probably all experienced a situation where our mood was changed when we were forced to laugh. It’s hard to be angry when you’re
smiling. It has been shown that smiling while immersing your hand in ice water reduces stress and lessens the pain.
We can use a definite connection between the body and brain to alter our mood, attitude, and behavior. This will, in turn, impact our time, our health, and our lives.
How to stop worrying
Learning to stop worrying will brighten your days, reduce stress and anxiety, improve your relationships with others, and help increase your longevity.
By worry, I mean having negative thoughts about a future event that may or may not happen. This negativity is more common than you may think. In his book The Worry Cure, Robert Leahy claims that 38% of people worry daily, and more than 19 million Americans are chronic worriers.
Researchers find that worriers show increased activity in the area of the brain associated with executive functions such as planning, reasoning, and impulse control. Strengthening your executive skills, as outlined in my e-book, Strengthen your brain’s executive skills, will help you control your tendency to think negatively.
A positive attitude tends to stress-proof your life. Getting sufficient sleep, daily exercise and social support is important. And it’s equally important to be aware of the good things that happen to you – those positives amid negative events. Be more conscious of the things that go right in your life, and remember that when things look bleak, humor helps. Also, volunteer on a regular basis; by helping others, you are also helping yourself.
If you let it, your brain will take any thought about your health or financial problems, job insecurity, or a disagreement with your spouse and create worst-case scenarios to worry about. According to an article in the December 2009 issue of Scientific American Mind, research showed that “the more we dwell on negative thoughts, the more the threats feel real, and the more they will repeat in our skulls, sometimes uncontrollable.”
Trying to put a negative thought out of your mind only tends to make it hang on that much longer. It’s like trying to repeatedly ignore a song that replays in your mind. It makes more sense to spend a few minutes accepting that you are worried, mulling it over, assuring yourself that you would survive even if the worst were to happen, and then get on with the next item on your “To Do” list.
Psychologist Sian Beilock claims that writing down the things that you are worried about might help get you out of a negative track. In a Psychology Today article (January/February 2018), it was reported that she discovered that students who wrote about their worries for about ten minutes before tackling a test were less anxious and performed better than those who simply sat around staring into space.
You might also use the “stop” method whenever you find yourself having negative thoughts about a future event that may or may not happen. Negative thinking is more common than you may think.
In any case, action always seems to dissipate worry.
Optimism is contagious
It helps to associate with optimistic people for a variety of reasons. First of all, optimistic people make you feel good. It’s contagious, just like stress, as mentioned later – probably because of our mirror neurons.
And if you’re surrounded by people who think optimistically about health, the future, and so on, it’s easier for you to do so as well.
According to Hendrie Weisinger and J.P. Pawliw Fry, in their book Performing under Pressure, the expectations that others have are one of the most important influences on an individual’s own expectations and behavior.
Research indicates that optimism helps you advance in life, regardless of age. It stands to reason that the more positive you are about your future, the more you can handle life’s setbacks.
According to the book, optimists earn greater pay and work longer and harder than pessimists. An insurance company tested their sales agents for optimism and discovered that those who scored in the top half in optimism sold 37% more insurance than those in the pessimistic bottom half.
Searching for the fountain of youth
The number of Americans ages 65 and older is projected to more than double from 46 million in 2016 to over 98 million by 2060, and
the 65-and-older age group’s share of the total population will rise to nearly 24 percent from 15 percent. The age bracket of 85 years and over is the fastest-growing segment of the population.
Man has been searching for the legendary fountain of youth for thousands of years, and Ponce de Leon was said to have been searching for it in 1513 when he traveled to what is now called Florida. All this time, the fountain of youth has been all around us, waiting to be discovered.
Movie actress Sophia Loren, who just turned 83 just before I decided to write this book, and is now turning 90 as I edit it, was quoted as saying, “There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.” I love this quote and coming from an octogenarian who has accomplished much in her lifetime and continues to enjoy life. She must practice what she preaches.
Sophia Loren is not the first person to remain active in her later years. Grandma Moses, who became a world-famous folk painter, started oil painting at age 78 and continued until her death at 101. At 71, Michelangelo was appointed chief architect of St. Peter’s Cathedral in Rome. George Bernard Shaw wrote Farfetched Fables when he was
- Arthur Rubenstein performed at Carnegie Hall at 90. At 100, George Abbott brought a revival of his first hit, Broadway, to the stage. At 97, Art Linkletter was still giving over 70 lectures per year until shortly before his death in his 98thear.
When inaugurated, Ronald Reagan, the oldest U.S. president, served two terms and lived to be 93. Winston Churchill became prime minister of Great Britain at age 65. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., became a U.S. Supreme Court Justice at age 61 and served until he was 92. Pablo Picasso continued painting until his death at 92. Bob Hope was still entertaining in his late eighties and lived to be 100. George Burns was still making people laugh in his nineties and also lived into his 100th year.
People who keep active and look after themselves are living longer these days. Dick Van Dyke, one of my favorite comedians, actors, and performers, is still quite active – as proven by a video released on his 99th birthday, December 13, 2024. He jokes, does a little soft shoe shuffle, and twirls an umbrella like he did 60 years ago in the movie Mary Poppins. A smile never left his face. He says he doesn’t feel like 99, and I believe it. He doesn’t look 99. And he still has plans.
There is no shortage of examples of people who were healthy and productive well into their nineties. According to the New York Times, the oldest person ever documented is Mme. Jeanne Calment of France, who was 122 when she died on August 4, 1997. One study of high achievers revealed that 65% of their accomplishments were attained after age 60.
Living a happy and productive life in your 80s, 90s, and even beyond is possible. But it requires planning and strategic living. And it certainly helps to have good genes – although you can sometimes even overcome that situation.
Sixty-five used to be considered old. That’s generally the age you qualify for Medicare and may begin collecting old age security. It’s still the age at which most people retire. But from a medical or health standpoint, chronological age means very little. This 65-figure started in Germany back in 1889 when legislation provided for a pension at age 70, later reduced to 65. Of course, the average life expectancy at that time was only 45, so it wasn’t such a generous piece of legislation after all. The
U.S. adopted 65 for their social security payments in 1935. Anyway, you are generally thought to be old when you’re 70 and could merit the term “senior citizen” or even the more euphemistic “older adult.” Middle age is generally considered now to be over 50.
Many people start deteriorating mentally, physically, and emotionally because they have bought into the myth that you should retire or slow down at 65. If you are self-actualizing at your job, there’s no reason you should have to retire. If the life expectancy were still 45, it might make sense, but at about 80 for men and 84 for women, to me, it doesn’t make sense. I turned 90 about six months ago, and although I may play a little more golf, travel more, and spend time on personal goals, I’m far from being retired.
As Roizen and Oz say in their book, You Staying Young, if you retire, fine, but find a way to continue working, either as a volunteer or for pay, at something you enjoy. It will help you stay active physically and mentally, give you a lifelong sense of purpose, and help you maintain the social ties that are essential for managing stress.
Sophia Loren was on the right track when she said that if there is a fountain of youth, it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life, and the lives of people you love. But she didn’t go far enough. The fountain of youth is found in our relationships with others, our lifestyles and attitudes, our belief systems and in nature where many of the prescription and natural drugs originated. It’s in the trees, which also provide us with lumber for homes and shade for comfort. It is the beautiful and colorful flowers that help relieve our stress. It’s in the greenery which supplies us with berries, medications, and the absorption of toxins. It is in the sunshine which provides us with solar energy, warmth, and vitamin D. It’s in the essential water that we consume and provides us with fish to eat and irrigation for our gardens and farms. The fountain of youth is in the life-giving air that we breathe, which also provides us with a medium for flight.
For years, scientists, doctors, and neurologists have discovered even more benefits of nature – its healing powers, stress relieving ability, catalytic influence on personal productivity and creativity, and positive impact on our mood and physical and mental well-being.
If you want to download a PDF copy of the entire book now, for only $4.95, visit our website, taylorintime.com.
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